mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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