I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He felt like a one man threesome
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
