when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
