I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
