My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
