your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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