Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
