I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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