I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
