I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
