We won't sleep together?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
