Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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