Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
