belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
