I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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