what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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