mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dicks are not precious.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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