you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
