Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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