I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
