Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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