Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
