i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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