Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
