what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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