Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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