the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
