...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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