Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize