I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
