Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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