Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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