So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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