chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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