just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
