Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
