nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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