it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
