whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
