Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
soo... how was my night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
