The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
