____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
thus making me awesome and them whores
what day is it and did you see me today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize