dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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