You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
