so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
