so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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