On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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