apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
