One girl and one boy is just not enough.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
