Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
