he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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