Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
