I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
