Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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