she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
