But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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