Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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