worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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