it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
