he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
