well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
