oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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