Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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