"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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