I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
we should paint friendship bongs
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