Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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