When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize