It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
