im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
