Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.

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(226): View more from Ontario

I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.

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(631): View more from New York

I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."

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(303): View more from Colorado

Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her

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(620): View more from Kansas

There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos

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(402): View more from Nebraska

so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery

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