The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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