OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
are you so shy because you have an std?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize