My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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