I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
so much tequila, so little girl.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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