So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
