i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
