ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
