Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
