I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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