Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I cannot find my penis.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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